i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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