i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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