I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just puked most of my soul out..
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