my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
