Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I just found a bag of teeth...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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