I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
