That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i dont even know how to be here
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
