his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
try to milk me bitch
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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