Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
After tacos, we're chasing women.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
