i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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