I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
