I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
