I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
the day after is always just damage control
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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