You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
