wake up i wanna do it froggy style
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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