the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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