I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
