You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Randomize
