A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
