Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
