Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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