I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
