I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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