I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
