im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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