she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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