okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
