I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
