I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
