There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
