Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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