At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
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