It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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