I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
