The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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