Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
