Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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