I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
