Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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