I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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