I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
