So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
