Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
