Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize