So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
