her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
