did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
