Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
