am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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