So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
My vagina is very pro this idea
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