Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
