Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
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