I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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