Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Randomize
