Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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