omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
she looked like the before picture.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
