Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
