i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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