New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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