Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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