I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
