i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
