When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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