Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
