I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
