he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
