Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
