i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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