once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
